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Immediately scan your computer for the following viruses!
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS:
Never identifies itself as a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism".
ROSS PEROT VIRUS:
Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS:
Thier is sumthing rong with yur koputer, but ewe kant figyur owtt watt!
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS:
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS:
Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.
FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS:
Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
60% of the PCs infected will lost 30% of their data at least 14% of the time (plus or minus a 3.5% margin of error).
Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
ADAM AND EVE VIRUS:
Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
The computer locks up and the screen splits in half with the same message appearing on each side. The message says the blame for the gridlock is caused by the other side.
AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS:
You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.
Your program stops running every few minutes to ask for money.
Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self-destructs only to surface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.
OLLIE NORTH VIRUS:
Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
PAUL REVERE VIRUS:
This virus doesn't horse around. It warns you of an impending attack: once if by LAN, twice if by C.
STEVE FORBES VIRUS:
All files reported as the same size.
BOB DOLE VIRUS:
Could be virulent, but it's been around too long to be much of a threat.
O.J. SIMPSON VIRUS:
You know it's guilty of trashing your system, but you just can't prove it.
HILLARY CLINTON VIRUS:
Files disappear, only to reappear mysteriously a year later in another directory.
COLIN POWELL VIRUS:
Makes its presence known, but doesn't do anything. Secretly you wish it would.
PAT BUCHANAN VIRUS:
Your system works fine, but complains loudly about foreign software.
Just does it.
Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply and shocks.
JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS:
Your program can never be found again.
Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
STAR TREK VIRUS:
Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.
HEALTH CARE VIRUS:
Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong and sends you a bill for $4,500.00.